Nerds Have Ruined Baseball

This post was written Ken Tremendous (a.k.a. Cousin Mose)who blogs on Fire Joe Morgan. Most of what he does is take other blog posts or articles and rips into every sentence to make a point. Usually that point is that the article sucks. A lot of the stuff comes from Joe Morgan, hence the blog title. Anyway, this excerpt comes from a post in which the guy lists 8 reasons why baseball sucks. One of the reasons is that it is filled with too many stats. I present to you now why baseball stats ruin baseball:

J-Mo: On-base percentages, opponent on-base plus slugging percentages, sabermetrics … Alan Greenspan might enjoy crunching the numbers, but for those of us who’d rather leave our brains at work, the cold-beverage-intake-to-bladder-outflow ratio makes a whole lot more sense.

Ken: Bra. Seriously, bra. Fuck these nerds. For serious. True story, bra -- I'm at the game yesterday. I'm wasted. Seriously, bra, I've had like eleven brews. I'm there with my boy Donnie -- awesome guy. Solid guy. The papers call him the "Laundry Room Rapist." So Donnie's like, "Bra, you want another one?" And I'm like, "Shitchyea, dude! I ain't driving!" And Donnie's all, "Bra, you are driving, remember?" And I was like, "Ohhhh shit!" And we high-five, right?

So basically everything was awesome. We were crushing it, bra. And then, this little fucking nerd in front of us is like, "Can you be careful? You're spilling beer on my daughter's head," and I'm like, "Whatever dude -- it's a ballgame. Shut up and enjoy the ride!" and he's like, "Just try to be more considerate," and then his little nerd son is like, "Daddy, look, Manny's up!" and his nerd dad is like, "Let's go Manny!" and his nerd son is like, "His batting average is down to .288" and that's when I just lost it, bra. Those fucking nerds and their numbers. So I pull my rod out -- you know, because I have to piss, right? -- and the guy is all, "Hey! You can't do that here!" and I'm like, "Sorry, nerdbra, the only statistic I care about is how many brewskis I've had and how much piss I've pissed" and the next thing you know security is dragging me out and they're all like, "You're banned for life" and I'm like, "Bra, what the hell?" and they're like "You pulled your penis out and urinated at your seat and there's vomit on your forearm, and also you can't smoke in the stadium, and your friend is wearing a shirt and shoes but no pants," and I'm like "He's Donald Ducking it, bra -- it's classic!" and they're like, "Get out of here and never come back."

And that's when I realized: nerds have ruined baseball.

The original post is here if you want to read it. The rest is very amusing!

On Pace: 2 Months Down (for the Red Sox and Athletics)

If all teams keep up their current pace, this is what the season will pan out to look like:

Current Standings

American League
East
(2-previous)Tampa Bay - 93-69 (+2)
(1)Boston - 92-70 (+0)
(4)Toronto - 84-78 (+4)
(5)New York - 81-81 (+7)
(3)Baltimore - 77-85 (-4)

Central
(1)Chicago - 93-69 (+2)
(2)Cleveland - 83-79 (-6)
(3)Minnesota - 78-84 (+0)
(5)Detroit - 73-89 (+7)
(4)Kansas City - 65-97 (-9)

West
(1)Oakland - 95-67 (+4)
(2)Los Angeles - 87-75 (+1)
(3)Texas - 78-84 (+2)
(4)Seattle - 61-101 (-9)


National League
East
(1)Atlanta - 94-68 (+0)
(3)Philadelphia - 90-72 (+3)
(4)Florida - 88-74 (+3)
(2)New York - 81-81 (-6)
(5)Washington - 67-95 (+0)

Central
(1)Chicago - 101-61 (-2)
(2)St. Louis - 91-71 (+4)
(3)Houston - 85-77 (-2)
(4)Pittsburgh - 75-87 (-1)
(6)Milwaukee - 73-89 (+1)
(5)Cincinnati - 72-90 (-3)

West
(1)Arizona - 100-62 (-1)
(2)Los Angeles - 87-75 (+2)
(3)Colorado - 67-95 (+1)
(4)San Francisco - 63-99 (+4)
(5)San Diego - 58-104 (+1)

Biggest Movers:
Up - New York (+7), Detroit (+7)
Down - Seattle (-9), Kansas City (-9)

*Wins may not total 2430 (30*162/2) due to rounding
**Projections based on current record as well as Bill James' Pythagorean Expectation

Head-to-Head in Roto Terms

I started this post to demonstrate one of the differences in a Head-to-Head style fantasy baseball play and Rotisserie. Also, to brag about how incredibly awesome my team actually is.

Current H2H Standings:
Yost's Yardbirds........51-16-3....-- GB
matts team..............33-26-11...14 GB
Fontana's Fielders......36-30-4....14.5 GB
Francisco for MVP.......34-31-5....16 GB
LONG GONE!..............33-34-3....18 GB
Kekambas................27-37-6....22.5 GB
reredrum s'laroc........25-41-4....25.5 GB
WILFREDO!!!.............21-45-4....29.5 GB

Anticipated Roto Standings (Max Points: 80):
Yost's Yardbirds........66.....-- PB
Fontana's Fielders......57.5...8.5 PB
matts team..............52.....14 PB
Francisco for MVP.......48.....18 PB
LONG GONE!..............42.....24 PB
Kekambas................38.....28 PB
reredrum s'laroc........37.5...28.5 PB
WILFREDO!!!.............19.....47 PB

As you can see, the only real winner from the Roto standings is Fontana's Fielders, who moves from 14.5 games back to 8.5 points back and moves up from 3rd to 2nd. Obviously the worse a team is, the harder they are hit by the switch to Roto. This is obviously a huge advantage to playing H2H because the poorer teams still have a chance. If this was Roto, WILFREDO!!! would stand basically zero chance at winning the league because it is damn near impossible to recover 47 points. It is, however, much easier to recover 7 games and move into 6th place. This guarantees a playoff spot, and if, for some reason, the players work together for 3 weeks, the last place team today can win the league. Likely, no. But possible.

On Pace: Going on 8 Weeks

If all teams keep up their current pace, this is what the season will pan out to look like:

Current Standings

American League
East
(1-previous)Boston - 92-70 (-2)
(2)Tampa Bay - 91-71 (+2)
(5)Baltimore - 81-81 (+4)
(4)Toronto - 80-82 (+3)
(3)New York - 74-88 (-8)

Central
(1)Cleveland - 89-73 (-1)
(2)Chicago - 91-71 (+3)
(3)Minnesota - 78-84 (-2)
(5)Kansas City - 74-88 (+7)
(4)Detroit - 66-96 (-4)

West
(1)Oakland - 91-71 (-7)
(2)Los Angeles - 86-76 (+2)
(3)Texas - 76-86 (+6)
(4)Seattle - 70-92 (+2)


National League
East
(1)Atlanta - 94-68 (-3)
(3)New York - 87-75 (+0)
(4)Philadelphia - 87-75 (+1)
(2)Florida - 85-77 (-5)
(5)Washington - 67-95 (+5)

Central
(1)Chicago - 103-59 (+3)
(2)St. Louis - 87-75 (-5)
(3)Houston - 87-75 (-2)
(4)Pittsburgh - 76-86 (+1)
(6)Cincinnati - 75-87 (+7)
(5)Milwaukee - 72-90 (-1)

West
(1)Arizona - 101-61 (+3)
(2)Los Angeles - 85-77 (-2)
(3)Colorado - 66-96 (-1)
(4)San Francisco - 59-103 (-3)
(5)San Diego - 57-105 (-3)

Biggest Movers:
Up - Kansas City (+7), Cincinnati (+7)
Down - New York (-8), Oakland (-7)

*Wins may not total 2430 (30*162/2) due to rounding
**Projections based on current record as well as Bill James' Pythagorean Expectation

On-Pace - Mid-May

If all teams keep up their current pace, this is what the season will pan out to look like:

Current Standings

American League
East
(1-previous)Boston - 94-68 (+2)
(3)Tampa Bay - 89-73 (+5)
(4)New York - 82-80 (-1)
(2)Toronto - 77-85 (-9)
(5)Baltimore - 77-85 (+0)

Central
(2)Cleveland - 90-72 (+9)
(1)Chicago - 88-76 (-2)
(3)Minnesota - 80-82 (+1)
(4)Detroit - 70-92 (-3)
(5)Kansas City - 67-95 (+0)

West
(1)Oakland - 98-64 (-1)
(2)Los Angeles - 84-78 (-3)
(4)Texas - 70-92 (+7)
(3)Seattle - 68-94 (-7)


National League
East
(1)Atlanta - 97-65 (-1)
(4)Florida - 90-72 (+13)
(3)New York - 87-75 (+3)
(2)Philadelphia - 86-76 (-2)
(5)Washington - 62-100 (-4)

Central
(1)Chicago - 100-62 (-2)
(2)St. Louis - 92-70 (-8)
(3)Houston - 89-73 (+5)
(5)Pittsburgh - 75-87 (+8)
(4)Milwaukee - 73-89 (-4)
(6)Cincinnati - 68-94 (+4)

West
(1)Arizona - 98-64 (-9)
(2)Los Angeles - 87-75 (-10)
(3)Colorado - 67-95 (+3)
(4)San Francisco - 62-100 (+1)
(5)San Diego - 60-102 (+2)

Biggest Movers:
Up - Florida (+13), Cleveland (+9), Pittsburgh (+8)
Down - Loss Angeles (-10), Toronto (-9), Arizona(-9)

*Wins may not total 2430 (30*162/2) due to rounding
**Projections based on current record as well as Bill James' Pythagorean Expectation

En Ritmo: Proyecciones de Temporada para Cinco de Mayo

If all teams keep up their current pace, this is what the season will pan out to look like:

Current Standings

American League
East
(2-previous)Boston - 92-70 (+8)
(3)Toronto - 86-76 (+4)
(1)Tampa Bay - 84-78 (-8)
(5)New York - 83-79 (+5)
(4)Baltimore - 77-85 (-4)

Central
(1)Chicago - 90-72 (-9)
(2)Cleveland - 81-81 (-5)
(4)Minnesota - 79-83 (+7)
(3)Detroit - 73-89 (-1)
(5)Kansas City - 67-95 (+7)

West
(1)Oakland - 99-63 (-1)
(2)Los Angeles - 87-75 (-5)
(3)Seattle - 75-87 (-9)
(4)Texas - 63-99 (+6)


National League
East
(1)Atlanta - 98-64 (+3)
(3)Philadelphia - 88-74 (+1)
(2)New York - 84-78 (-5)
(4)Florida - 77-85 (-5)
(5)Washington - 66-96 (+7)

Central
(1)Chicago - 102-60 (-2)
(2)St. Louis - 98-64 (+0)
(4)Houston - 84-78 (+4)
(3)Milwaukee - 77-85 (-11)
(6)Pittsburgh - 67-95 (+8)
(5)Cincinnati - 64-98 (-11)

West
(1)Arizona - 107-55 (-7)
(2)Los Angeles - 97-65 (+7)
(3)Colorado - 64-98 (-1)
(5)San Francisco - 61-101 (+6)
(4)San Diego - 58-104 (+2)

Biggest Movers:
Up - Boston (+8), Pittsburgh (+8)
Down - Cincinnati (-11), Milwaukee (-11)

*Wins may not total 2430 (30*162/2) due to rounding
**Projections based on current record as well as Bill James' Pythagorean Expectation